5 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and How to Cope with Them
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can make everyday life feel like an emotional rollercoaster. For those navigating this condition, BPD treatment often starts with understanding the intense emotions—like fear of abandonment—that shape everyday experiences. Managing these emotions requires learning essential coping strategies for BPD and fostering better emotional regulation.
In this article, we will go over five common signs of Borderline Personality Disorder, how they affect people, and what can be done to cope. Let’s talk about it in plain language so it’s easy to follow.
Differentiating Between BPD and NPD
Understanding the difference between Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is crucial. These two conditions may look similar at first because both involve emotional struggles and relationship challenges, but they are very different under the surface.
Each condition requires its own unique treatment approach. For example, people with BPD often benefit from therapies that focus on emotional regulation. On the other hand, individuals with NPD might need help understanding their behaviors and working on empathy.
Misunderstanding or misdiagnosing these conditions can cause harm. If someone with BPD is treated as if they have NPD, they might feel misunderstood or unsupported, making healing even harder. The same goes for someone with NPD—they might not get the kind of help they truly need.
This is why learning about these conditions matters—not just for therapists but for anyone trying to support a loved one or understand their own struggles.
1. Coping with Fear of Abandonment
For people with Borderline Personality Disorder, the fear of being abandoned can feel all-consuming. This isn’t just about worrying someone might leave—it’s a deep conviction that people will leave, no matter what. Even small things, like a friend not texting back quickly, can feel like rejection.
Imagine this: You text a coworker about meeting for lunch. They don’t respond. Instead of thinking, “They might be busy,” you start believing they’re avoiding you because they’re upset. This fear spirals into feeling unloved or unwanted.
How to Cope?
- Pause and check the facts. Ask yourself, “Is there evidence they’re abandoning me, or could they just be busy?”
- Try grounding techniques, like deep breathing or focusing on your surroundings, to calm your thoughts.
- Therapy, especially with a therapist who is trained specifically to work with BPD and emotional dysregulation, can provide tools for improving emotional regulation. These strategies help individuals manage these feelings of distress, rethink assumptions, and build healthier coping mechanisms
2. Intense Mood Swings: Managing BPD Symptoms
One of the BPD symptoms is intense mood swings. One moment you’re happy; the next, you feel angry or sad, and you’re not sure why. These mood shifts can be quick and overwhelming. Often, they stem from feeling misunderstood, hurt, or abandoned.
For instance, let’s say your partner is quiet after work. You might think they’re upset with you, even if they’re just tired. This assumption often triggers an emotional spiral, starting with worry and leading to anger.
How to Cope?
- When you feel a sudden mood swing, pause and reflect. For example, instead of assuming your partner’s silence means they’re upset, ask yourself, “Could they be tired or preoccupied with something else?” This approach shifts you from interpreting interactions literally to considering broader, more nuanced possibilities.
- Pay attention to recurring thoughts or situations that trigger intense emotions. For instance, a sudden feeling of rejection might not be about the present but tied to past fears of abandonment. This self-awareness can help regulate your response.
- Instead of spiraling into assumptions, focus on grounding techniques that help you stay in the moment. This makes it easier to respond thoughtfully rather than impulsively.
3. BPD and Unstable Relationships
Unstable relationships often stem from a fear of abandonment, magnified by past experiences. Recognizing that these fears may not align with the current reality is a crucial first step.
Imagine your partner didn’t respond to your hug after an argument. Instead of concluding, “They don’t love me anymore,” consider, “Could my partner still be processing their feelings?” This reflective mindset helps foster healthier communication and connection.
How to Cope?
- Instead of interpreting a partner’s distant behavior as rejection, ask yourself, “Is there another way to view this situation? Could they simply need some space?”
- Move from a literal mode of interaction (e.g., “They don’t care about me”) to a representational mode (e.g., “Maybe they’re dealing with something unrelated to me.”). This shift allows for a more compassionate and balanced perspective, reducing emotional intensity.
4. Difficulty Handling Criticism
Criticism, even if it’s constructive, can feel like a personal attack. This sensitivity comes from deep insecurities about self-worth.
Let’s say your boss suggests improving a project. Instead of seeing this as feedback, it might feel like proof you’re not good enough. This can trigger shame, anger, or even impulsive reactions, like quitting your job on the spot.
How to Cope?
- Before reacting, take a step back. Ask yourself, “What’s the intention behind this feedback?”
- Practice self-compassion. Remind yourself that making mistakes doesn’t mean you’re a failure (which is part of ‘splitting’ and ‘black-and-white’ thinking).
5. “Black-and-White” Thinking
With BPD, it’s common to see things in extremes. People are either all good or all bad, they are either with me or against me! Situations are either amazing or terrible. This type of thinking can make it hard to handle conflict or uncertainty.
For example, after a small disagreement with a friend, you might think, “They hate me now,” instead of considering that they might just need space. Again, this new of thinking is, as was mentioned earlier, a movement from a ‘literal’ mode to a more ‘representational’ mode of interaction.
How to Cope?
- Try to slow down and think about, for instance, what a disagreement or a different opinion means to you.
- Practice curiosity. Ask questions like, “What else could be going on for me?” and “How come I am getting so upset?”
Practical Tips for Navigating Life With BPD
While managing Borderline Personality Disorder can be challenging, adopting effective coping strategies for BPD can make a significant difference. These strategies focus on improving emotional regulation and navigating life’s stressors with greater resilience:
- Focus on the Present Moment: People with BPD often dwell on the past or worry about the future. Getting into a more reflective, calm state of mind, is a helpful first step.
- Move Beyond Literal Reactions: Instead of reacting impulsively to feelings of rejection or criticism, practice identifying the deeper emotions at play. For example, instead of thinking, “They’re judging me,” remind yourself, “This feeling might come from my past, not the present situation.”
- Use “Representational Thinking”: Instead of seeing interactions in a literal way—like assuming someone’s late reply means they’re angry or rejecting you—try exploring other possibilities. Could they just be busy?
- Seek Professional Help: Therapy for BPD is one of the best tools for coping with BPD. Consider consulting with a therapist who has specific training and experience in treating BPD.
Why Empathy Matters?
If you’re supporting someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s important to approach them with understanding. Remember, their emotions are intense and feel real, even if they seem exaggerated to you. Listening without judgment can go a long way in helping them feel safe.
If you’re the one struggling with BPD, know this: You’re not broken. You’re human, and with time, patience, and the right tools, life can feel more manageable.
To explore how therapy and treatment for BPD can help you or a loved one navigate the challenges of BPD, contact us today and take the first step toward understanding, growth, and emotional balance.
For more information on navigating relationships, explore Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder or The Narcissism Decoder Podcast. Remember, getting control over your emotions is possible with the right support and strategies in place.
For further insights and support, explore:
The Narcissism Decoder Podcast: get a deeper understanding through expert discussions and real-life stories.
Videos on Narcissistic Relationships: Visual resources to help navigate the complexities of narcissistic dynamics and recovery.
These resources can provide additional guidance as you navigate your journey toward healing and personal growth.
References
National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). (n.d.). Borderline Personality Disorder. Retrieved December 1, 2024, from https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder
Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Narcissistic personality disorder: Symptoms and causes. Retrieved December 1, 2024, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662
Mayo Clinic. (n.d.). Borderline Personality Disorder: Diagnosis and Treatment. Retrieved December 1, 2024, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20370242